Compassion and Empathy: the Path to a Peaceful and Just Middle East

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I have been struggling with how to respond to the current crisis in Gaza (and frankly, the craziness of so many things in the world right now – including the horrific reality that Obama is closing our doors to refugee children sending them back to their countries to face horrors unimaginable).

My heart is broken. At Shabbat services Friday night, as we sang a prayer for healing, my thoughts turned to all the victims in Gaza – images of their maimed and murdered bodies (that I had unfortunately seen on the internet) flashed before my eyes, resulting in tears running down my cheeks and sobs of sorrow and grief), just as I mourned the death of the three Israeli teenagers. I sometimes feel a sense of hopelessness at the current situation and know many people don’t have any idea what to do to stop this madness, nonetheless I am now working to expand our Network of Spiritual Progressives to help spread a different worldview and to bring a voice of compassion and empathy to the situation.
Israel, with its overwhelming power, has a moral responsibility to stop bombing Gaza. Israel is killing innocent civilians under the guise of wiping out Hamas when in fact, this sort of attack will only strengthen militant forces and voices in Palestine who will use the attacks to further their position that Israel (and “Jews”) are murderers and only care about controlling all of Israel and Palestine. In addition, this behavior by Netanyahu only perpetuates anti-Semitism and puts Jews at greater risk around the world. When the actions of the State of Israel are equated with the actions of Jews, Jews ultimately suffer.In fact, just today I read about pro-Hamas protesters in Paris trapping hundreds of Jews in a synagogue, chanting “Death to Jews” while throwing rocks and bricks at the synagogue. The police dispersed the crowd. The members left the synagogue – two were lightly injured. Anti-Semitism, like any form of racism, is always illegitimate. But when so many institutions of the organized Jewish communities around the world line up in solidarity with whatever military or political action the State of Israel takes, I can easily see how easy it is for some to equate the activities of the State of Israel with the entire Jewish people (unfair though that is).
At the same time, Hamas is playing into the hands of the Israeli government and Netanyahu. By responding by launching rockets into Israel (even though such rockets do not result in any physical injuries or deaths to people, but nonetheless terrorize the citizens of Israel – and yes, not at all in proportion to the suffering or terror of the Palestinians) Hamas is only perpetuating and bolstering the discourse in Israel that Hamas wants to wipe Israel off the planet and we need to wipe them out once and for all. Hamas would serve the Palestinian people much better if they put down their weapons and engaged in a massive nonviolent response, and publicly accepted Israel’s existence as a legitimate homeland for the Jewish people. After all, who wants to negotiate with an enemy who still says that their goal is to wipe you out entirely? But if they changed their discourse, and really allowed themselves to accept that Israel is here to stay and is not going to disappear, they would deliver a mortal blow to the right wing militarists in Israel. If they adopted this kind of nonviolent strategy, Israel would have two options – either continue to bomb Gaza even though there is absolutely no justification for it and lose any credibility it has left or stop bombing and return to a cease fire – thereby ending unnecessary suffering and deaths.
I desperately wish that saner voices would prevail in Israel, Palestine, the United States as well as around the world. And we at the Network of Spiritual Progressives are trying to help build an interfaith movement of such voices because we know that for American policy to change (which is a key part of changing the dynamic in Israel/Palestine) it will require voices from across the religious, spiritual, and secular society.
So what can you do? Challenge the public discourse – again and again – on social media, in the press, in conversations with others, EVERYWHERE.
Educate yourself about the situation – change the discourse from one of us/them to one of understanding and compassion. I know this is extremely difficult to do – how can we have compassion for a state that occupies another people and drops bombs on innocent civilians or for a group that says it wants to wipe a country off the face of the earth? And yet, that is what we have to do. The demonizing of either side only serves to bolster and perpetuate the violence and serves those promoting violence. We have to help people understand that both sides have suffered and that they continue to suffer, while also understanding that the suffering of Palestinians exceeds that of Israelis. If you are Jewish and have been raised in the discourse of Zionism, that Arabs want to kill us, etc., I implore you to read stories from Palestinians experiences of the situation. To open your heart to the possibility that you may not know all the facts – may not see the “Other” as equal.If you are Palestinian and have suffered at the hands of Israel, I also encourage you to read stories from the perspective of Jews and Israelis. To open your heart to their suffering, not in the hopes that you will no longer feel your own suffering but because your desire for peace, your desire to be able to live a normal life depends on it.Do this with compassion for yourself because unpacking a lifetime of stories on which you formed your identity and the identity of your people is no easy task.
I know this because this is exactly what I did 30 years ago – I started to read the history of Israel/Palestine, not from the perspective of my Jewish/Zionist roots, but from a broader perspective that included the stories and histories of Palestinians. I joined Palestinian solidarity groups, became friends with Palestinians and Muslims and broke down the stereotypes I was raised to believe – ones I am not proud of! No, it was not easy – it is never easy to realize that the stories you believed, the “truths” you believed, on which your entire worldview is based, are in fact only one side of the story and that life is actually much more complex than you thought. But I am so grateful I did – life is much more rich when you can see its complexities, its nuances, and its uncertainties. In fact, compassion, empathy and peace cannot be achieved without it.
To help you gain a greater perspective on the history, I encourage you to read Embracing Israel/Palestine. In this book, Rabbi Lerner presents an understanding of the history of both sides. Unlike other accounts that focus solely on the “facts,” Rabbi Lerner provides an understanding of the psychological history of both sides in the hopes that doing so will help you understand why certain actions only serve to perpetuate violence, throwing one side or the other into trauma and fear. When humans are operating from a place of trauma or fear, the normal human response is to fight, flight or freeze. As we have seen again and again in Israel and Palestine, the prominent voices and actors choose to fight, causing untold suffering and hardship for the rest of their societies.
It is not enough to know that something is wrong and that people are doing things that are causing great harm and suffering and that this needs to stop, you need to understand how to contribute to a healthy discussion of what are strategically sound and smart ways to respond – ways that will lead to empathy, compassion, understanding and ultimately peace rather than feed the fears of either or both sides. This requires a much more nuanced understanding of the history and peoples than you get elsewhere.
We, at the Network of Spiritual Progressives (NSP), are working to build a spiritually progressive popular, political movement that will bring to the forefront of discourse on all issues spiritual principles and values of love, kindness, generosity, care, seeing and treating each others as sacred beings worthy of respect and dignity like each of us, and responding to the universe with awe, wonder and radical amazement. It is our belief if we choose to respond in this way to the crises in Gaza and around the world we will be able to slowly find a path to reconciliation, healing, peace and justice. And, I believe that to do so, we have to start where I did in this piece – with allowing the pain and suffering and sorrow of the world to course through our bodies, to move us to tears, to break open our hearts, to feel the depth of our grief because grieving is the birthplace of healing, repair and transformation (tikkun) of self and the world. There are plenty of movements with rational plans for the Middle East – but none has managed to crack through the cynicism and propensity on all sides of this struggle to believe that security can only be achieved through “power over” others. We at the NSP seek to work at this core level, the emotional blocks that must be exposed and then healed if we are to ever achieve peace, justice and true reconciliation between Israel and Palestine. They cynics will say, “It will never happen.” But as Rabbi Lerner says, you never know what is possible until you put your life energies, money, and time to promote what is desirable.”
I hope that you will join the NSP (to do so, go to our websiteand click on the join or donate button) and form a local chapter or affinity group so that you can explore these issues in a supportive community of people who share your values and vision for a new worldview. We are working to bring peace, justice and compassion to Israel and Palestine – if this is what you want too, please join our efforts. If you have questions or want support in your efforts, please email me at cat@spiritualprogressives.org.

29 thoughts on “Compassion and Empathy: the Path to a Peaceful and Just Middle East

  1. Israel has tight MORAL obligation to defend its citizens against rocket fire. The fact that no Israelis have been killed in not through lack of trying. Credit goes to its defense system, Iron Dome. Thus far, Hamas and numerous militant groups have targeted Tel Aviv, Beer Sheva, Ashdod, Ashkalon, Ben Gurion Airport and the Dimona nuclear reactor. What is Hamas hoping to accomplish?
    If Israel wanted to,they could carpet bomb Gaza, but the campaign has been targeted. Civilians have been killed because Hamas hides rockets in homes and mosques. This has been documented and confirmed by multiple sources.

    • Deranged thinking comes out with deranged conclusion, specially with when one functions on projecting ones own ill intentions!

  2. “But if they changed their discourse, and really allowed themselves to accept that Israel is here to stay and is not going to disappear, they would deliver a mortal blow to the right wing militarists in Israel.”
    I find your words noble, in that you hope for peace, but it seems to me you are operating from a Western liberal democratic point of view. You make the assumption that the other side (whatever side that may be) will come to agree with you if they are given some stability and safety that we in the West enjoy. But without trying to be condescending, I feel this is a form of gross cultural appropriation. It assumes that they (the “other”) are just like us, will want the same things we do, and behave like we do, if only they….. (fill in the blank).
    So I ask this question in all seriousness: what if the other culture does not think like you, does not want the same things you want, and if given those things that bring you, in your Western liberal democracy, peace and security and happiness, does not behave as you hope them to and instead does something against your moral beliefs? Do you then have a responsibility to act to prevent that immoral act?
    In other words, what if your world views are completely incompatible with the other? I ask this because I myself have wondered and do not have the answer.

    • Bloy – I am operating from a spiritual worldview – that we all actually share the same basic needs – peace, security, a safe place to live, meaning, love, celebration, etc. AND that we actually want this not just for ourselves but for others too. Unfortunately, when we experience trauma and violence we get disconnected from our care for others and focus our attention on ourselves – that is what happens when we are operating from flight, fight or freeze. It is no surprise that these are not the needs driving the actions in Israel/Palestine right now – at least not by Hamas or the Israeli government in terms of caring for the other. There are plenty of Jews and Palestinians who actually do care about each other, do share the same values and do want both to live in peace and security. I am uncomfortable classifying an entire “culture” in a particular way – that is exactly what both sides are doing right now and it is leading to more and more violence.

      • The sad part of all this, Israel and the United States don’t have a good intentions toward the Palestinians or the region in general! That is the base of this conflict and that is how its viewed from those two sides: Israel and the US need to be dominant and in control, the rest are just results of this type of mentality and policy. We are not interested in bringing Democracy or other type of public consumption propaganda , the truth is very clear from the action and facts on the ground for the last 100 years or so. The other disgusting element , is we want them to be just like us, otherwise they are not worthy! Very racist and pathetic way of imposing our values on the world as a white man mentality on the other races / nations on earth. If those factors are not at play here, you will find that injustice will disappear and acceptance of others will lead to more peace among people and cultures. Remember , we, in the West, are doing all of this tragedies, on the lands where most of these people are from and have lived way before we exist as people and nations. They are not coming to where we are and imposing their ways on us, some of them do, because we went there and opened the gates. Most of the old world who chose to come to the new world, did join in and assimilate to the new world ways, the rest were and are content of whom they are and their way of life much longer than the new world and our industrialized mentalities . Who gave us the ultimate right to impose our values above theirs? We don’t like it when they criticize ours, so why should they accept ours? Because we are superiors and better? Who says?
        Thanks for such a good article and discussion , just remember , its much simpler than it looks, but some of us want to confuse the rest of us! peace!

  3. Why is it unfair to equate the actions of Israel with all the entire Jewish people if essentially all Jewish institutions and organizations unconditionally support the actions of Israel?
    It is only unfair to Jewish Americans like you and me who disapprove of Israel’s actions, and stand up and say so. But the vast majority of Jews who probably disapprove of Israel’s actions have be pressured to remain silent, then bringing anti-Semitism on us all.

  4. I was very impressed by your very courageous statement – and by the implicit racism that I am certain is unconscious. Jews should refrain from hurting civilians. You do not make a similar statement regarding Palestinians. This can only be because they are not bound by this responsibility – in short Jews should operate according to a higher standard and Palestinians are inferior. Interesting. Only yesterday, two Bedouin girls were terribly wounded by a Palestinian rocket. You wrote “such rockets do not result in any physical injuries or deaths to people”. From this I can only conclude that you do not see Bedouin as people. I have heard this before but not from spiritual progressives. However, there is always time to learn. I thank you for teaching me.
    Shaul Stampfer

    • Shaul ~ It sounds like you are quite upset about the impression my piece left for you and I’m really getting how much you want ALL peoples to be treated with respect and dignity and valued as people. It certainly was not my intention to imply I did not care about the suffering of all peoples in this situation. In fact, I explicitly said that I mourned the death of the Israelis teens and acknowledged the terror that the missiles fired by Hamas create for Israelis. I was unaware of the injuries to the Bedouins, had I known that I certainly would have pointed that out. I deplore all violence and murder committed by anyone against anyone and see all human beings as embodiments of the sacred. In the future I will try to make that more clear. Thank you for raising your concerns. I hope in the future you might approach your discontent with my posts with more compassion and curiosity. It is my hope to support empathic communication on these very difficult issues.

      • Israel has EVERY right and obligation to defend its citizens against aggressive rocket attacks exclusively on civilian targets. Israel is not INTENTIONALLY targeting Gazans. BTW, Cat, have the murderers of he 3 Israeli teen been found? The identities are known. As a lawyer, I am sure you are capable of critical thinking

  5. I have great compassion – and I don’t just talk about my compassion. However I have a problem with racism – wherever it is. There is also a problem about writing when one is unaware of the facts. However, being unaware does make it easier to write so it is not all bad.

  6. Dear Cat,
    Thanx for a “right on the button” article! Similar to you, I started on a process of understanding the Israel-Palestine conflict–but a little before you–in fact 61 years ago!!
    Our conclusiond are in sync.
    If it was as part of a group, I would today fast for Peace (Paco in Esperanto); No kidding.
    Btw, if Karen and a few others are interested, we might start a Network of Spiritual Progressives branch here in Chicago.
    Regards to two Michaels with whom m aquainted.
    Howard Cort
    Lakeview/Chicago.

  7. Thankyou for your piece and it is the first obligation for all of us to become educated on the complexities of this situation. Suffering is always about pain for both peoples and the dialogue also shows how easy it is to enter a confrontation about us and them. In the middle of this crisis, we all need to be gentle to ourselves, our neighbour and our enemy and trust that this is not the end of the story but it is a journey which has gone on for too long. marcia

  8. Your quote:
    “….including the horrific reality that Obama is closing our doors to refugee children sending them back to their countries to face horrors unimaginable).”
    Obama isn’t closing the doors. He knows all too well we should allow immigrant children into our country. I believe you will find the ultra-conservative Republicans — the Tea Party — are fighting Obama to keep any and all immigrants outside our doors.
    Corinne

  9. Dear Cat,
    Thank you so very much for this article. It’s hard to hold on to hope and very hard to witness the hardening as these terrible, almost compulsive actions unfold. But I’m so glad you and Rabbi Lerner speak up. No doubt at one time, the two sides in Ireland were saying about each other, “But they aren’t like us. They don’t share our values. What’s the use of approaching them? They just want to kill us.” But violence in Ireland has greatly diminished. As one site put it “Civil society groups were vital in creating spaces for the dialogue and the constituency for political agreement that eventually brought about the Good Friday Agreement, and continue to work in their communities, striving for a sustainable restoration of peaceful relations.” May you remain steadfast.

  10. Shame on you!
    “Israel, with its overwhelming power, has a moral responsibility to stop bombing Gaza. Israel is killing innocent civilians”???????
    Where do you live? Mars?
    Is Israel’s “Crime” having an Effective Missile Defense in Iron Dome? Is Israel’s “Crime” protecting its civilians?
    C’mon… otherwise how many times more Jews would be dead than Palestinians? Is that what would call “fair”???
    Or maybe you’d like to see Israel like Syria:
    http://www.npr.org/2013/12/19/255406234/more-children-become-victims-of-syrias-civil-war
    I feel sorry for you.
    John – Boca Raton

    • The situation in Israel-Palestine is so horrible I find myself not wanting to know the news, losing hope, but then I read an article like the one here, and I keep in mind that Ireland too, once thought intractable, is–everyone has to acknowledge–much better. Shalom, salaam
      I don’t know if the web address I coped came through but it says “Families of slain Israeli and Palestinian Teens Turn to Each Other for Comfort” at the Jewish Daily Forward site.

  11. Thank you for all your comments and posts. It is obvious from the array of responses that there are a lot of intense emotions about this issue – understandably so. I hope that in spite of the differences, we can all agree that we want all beings (in Israel and Palestine and all over the world) to live in peace, to be treated with respect and dignity, to have the opportunity to work in a safe environment, to be able to raise their children in safety, to be able to build a future, to have a meaningful life. I will continue to speak to those shared values and needs and I know in doing so I will be misunderstood and misinterpreted and even (as I am here, personally insulted and attacked). I regret if some of you read my piece to minimize the complexity of the issues or if it seemed one-sided or lacking compassion for all involved. It is obvious from the mixed responses that not all experienced the piece in that way. What I gather from these responses is that there is a lot of pain that needs to be healed so we can begin to listen to views that are difficult for us to hear, views we profoundly disagree with. I do not believe that engaging in personal attacks and put downs furthers healthy dialogue or compassion and empathy, but instead perpetuates disconnection and a failure to treat each other with respect and dignity and as embodiments of the sacred. I hope that in the future posts can focus on questioning and challenging the argument or presentation rather than insulting the author.

  12. Thank you for this compassionate piece. On an interpersonal level, it is difficult to be compassionate and empathetic, when feeling judged or criticized much less ostracized when views/values differ. I notice more people are having less personal conversation, instead preferring to talk of the social-political issues affecting us all. And while this is a good thing, there is a lack of intimacy, a lack of knowing the ‘other’ , whether it is my small rural community or in the larger communities abroad.Your piece reminds me to keep seeking to understand the other, to speak through my heart and not my opinions, and to be vulnerable in the face of dissension.

  13. I have one question for you Cat, and I would like an honest response. If there were two children drowning in a river, one a Palestinian boy from Gaza (Boy A) and one a Jewish boy from the West Bank (Boy B), and you had to and could only save one of them, which one would you save? Please respond in a straightforward way. Boy A or Boy B?

    • I am (by my comment) no fan of Cat.
      But your question, Cuz, is not a good faith question (I am being polite) and contrived to prove some point, though I have no idea what it is.
      So and I’d ask you to answer (and explain) before you ask Cat to answer.

  14. If you stopped & started with your paragraph about Hamas, I would praise you highly.
    The rest is patronizing, sententious, pious and to my mind, just very muddled.
    I wish I could explain what is wrong with your approach. It will take someone more perceptive than I am to articulate it. Perhaps Professors Wisse, Landis or Gordis could start to explain what is so very sad about your words.
    I wish you well in your life personally and hope that you fail in your attempt to make Jews into dhimmis.

  15. Cat – Your brave words have energized me to speak up. As a human being, I am horrified by what is happening in Israel/Gaza right now because, like you, I do believe that all humans – save the few outlying haters – want the same things….a safe place to raise their families, to earn a living and to love one another. I do not believe those wants (needs?) are based on country of origin, religion, skin color, etc. Though I too was raised in a pro-Israel/Zionist culture, I see myself in all of the “others” and believe that killing is never ever acceptable. As Jeff W commented above, I am one of those who has been pressured to remain silent because when I speak up in my Jewish community, I am considered disloyal at best, and anti-Semitic at worst. I am in Chicago. If there is a group starting here, I’d be interested in getting involved. Thank you for this necessary and refreshing piece.

  16. In all of history, only Jews are considered to be oppressors when they defend themselves and refuse to go quietly to their deaths. What kind of deranged thinking is it that allows the Palestinians to consider themselves oppressed because the Jews they wish to slaughter are not cooperating and allowing themselves to be killed, but, horrors, insist on defending themselves. And what kind of Jews agree that in order to meet their definition of Progressive Political Correctness, the Jews should just admit that they deserve to die and allow themselves to be killed. I am sure that during the Holocaust there were Jews who felt that they must have done something to deserve being murdered, and actually aided the Nazis in their extermination attempts. They were called Kapos. Those Jews who believe Israel is to blame for the thousands of rockets being fired into Israel from Gaza are today’s version of Kapos.
    These Peace Loving Politically Correct Jews never cease to blame the Jews for Palestinians dysfunction.
    Obviously, according to this magazine and the people that read and support it, it the Jews’ ffault that Palestinians have accumulated thousands of missiles which they have no choice but to fire into Israel. It is the Jews’
    fault that the Palestinians have built dozens of tunnels into Israel which have no choice but to use to go into Israel to murder Jewish women and children. It is Jews’
    fault that the Palestinians raise their children to be suicide bombers. It is the Jews fault that the Palestinians store and fire their missiles from crowded areas. And most of all, it is the Jews’ fault that they are not doing the Progressive Politically Correct thing by admitting their sins and continuing to defend themselves.
    These Jews who love blaming Israel for defending its citizens must feel so good and self righteous in their Political Correctness. They love peace and justice, except when it comes to Jews, who should just go quietly to their deaths.
    God forbid that Palestinians should accept any responsibility for their own dysfunction. What kind of alternate universe do the Palestinians live in where they think they should be allowed to declare and wage war on Israel, fire thousands of missiles into Israel, and not suffer any adverse consequences. And who would ever think that way if Israel was not a Jewish state, and the people they were trying to slaughter were not “only Jews”.
    This Politically Correct Progressive Jew Hatred is sad and pathetic. They fact that Jews join in is tragic.

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