Verbal Violence
by: Joy Ladin on February 2nd, 2011 | 7 Comments »
It was easy for the Left to be smug during the debate over violence in political discourse that opened up in the wake of the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords. The days when violent discourse – and violence – were most popular on the Left are decades behind us, while the Right seems to be constantly ratcheting up the level of verbal violence. But we don’t have to draw crosshairs over opponents’ faces to turn them, rather than their ideas, into targets. Violent rhetoric may or may not spark acts of violence – but there is no doubt that targeting individuals rather than ideas snarls the debate on which democracy depends, and weakens the connection between progressive ideas and the generous, embracing notion of humanity in which they are rooted.
I learned the importance of speaking respectfully of and with those with whom I violently disagree from the most conservative people I’ve ever known personally: the students at Stern College for Women of Yeshiva University who had visceral objections to my return to teaching as an openly transgender faculty member. To those most deeply identified with the homo- and transphobic strains in Orthodox Jewish culture, I was a walking billboard of sin and transgression – but no one showed me the slightest disrespect. Indeed, student after student responded to my presence by affirming, in lunchroom discussions, in webchats, in the school newspaper, that it wasn’t up to them to judge whether my actions constituted a sin. Such judgments were God’s business. Their business, as Jews and human beings, was to acknowledge that I was suffering and respond with compassion.
Many of those whose political views I disagree with most violently are people in pain, reacting with fear or rage to ideas and circumstances they see as threatening them and those they love. All of them are human beings. As a democratic citizen, it is my business to judge ideas presented in public discourse; but as my students taught me, it isn’t my business to judge the people who champion those ideas. I have students who are sure that my gender transition is profoundly wrong, morally and religiously – but that doesn’t stop them from treating me with the respect they show to every human being. They do this not because they approve of the way I live or what I “stand for,” but because only by treating me with respect can they can live up to their ideals – and to Judaism’s ideals – of what it means to be human.
American democracy isn’t based on any comparably rich definition of humanity. In fact, it is founded on a profound skepticism about the capacity of human beings to understand complex issues and even to distinguish right from wrong in any given situation. Our system of government assumes that most people are blinkered, prejudiced, foolish, readily swayed by demagogues and ideologies – and that even the best of us find it hard to see beyond our own needs, fears, and desires. That’s why America’s founders divided the government into branches with narrow powers and conflicting interests – they believed that it was more important to limit the damage done by fallible legislators and electorates than to maximize the effectiveness of the occasional wise and benevolent leader.
But the respect for tzelem Hashem, the image of God in which all human beings are created, that is at the heart of Orthodox Judaism, and the skepticism that is the basis of American democracy converge in one crucial regard: both summon us to acknowledge the limits of human judgment. When the students least comfortable with my gender transition treat me with respect, I’m dazzled by the wisdom of Jewish tradition. When, in the rough-and-tumble of democratic debate, we treat our most wrong-seeming opponents with respect, we shore up the basis of democracy – and show that the sense of shared humanity that motivates progressive ideas can lift us above the rage and self-righteousness which so readily obscure it.




Sayeth Joy so joyfully and full of hope for all mankind:
” Many of those whose political views I disagree with most violently are people in pain, reacting with fear or rage to ideas and circumstances they see as threatening them and those they love”.
How do you know that those you disagree with are in”pain” Do you really see it? Or are you just being patronising? What happens if that person in “pain” turned on you violently? Would you defend yourself? Would you be so “loving” afterwards? I doubt it!! Ah yes I ‘m sure the Pinoshits and the Khomeinis and the Hitlers and Mubaraks of the world were and are full of pain and we should extend our compassionnate and loving hearts to these poor sufferring human beings, while they slaughter others…. Send them love letters like Ghandi did to Hitler to soften his heart! Big difference that made, eh!!
And you say that you disagree with your opponents violently.Isn’t there a contradiction there?
Mike, I feel your pain. Sorry – I couldn’t resist that.
Thank you, Joy for your thoughtful post. I felt your intelligence, thoughtfulness, humility, and generosity as you spoke from the perspective of a teacher who could learn from, and be edified by, her students. The importance of sustaining the distinction between the person and the ideas or values espoused by that person cannot be reinforced often enough, in my opinion. An on-going and productive discussion of ideas is predicated on empathy and respect for people (some might argue, unconditionally).
One pertinent example of this might be the Founders core belief in “we the people,” forged and sustained at a time when a corporatist state threatened human liberty. The Founders’ belief in human rights and human capacity motivated their thinking in creating a radical form of governance (an arguably “rich definition of humanity,” tempered and behaviorally managed by a tripartite system).
It seems to me that the noble experiment that is American democracy was created more out of hope and optimism than skepticism, even though one of the Founders fretted about our capacity to nourish and sustain their vision! The process of the writing the Declaration and the Constitution is documented in letters between both major and minor authors. I have been amazed at the thoughtfulness and civility (give or take a duel or two) of their discourse. These were very human and imperfect people with radical ideas who managed to create shared ideal. Today we continue the struggle to implement it.
Thank you, and your students, for a post that sustains my hope and optimism that we will succeed.
Randall, I’m sure you feel my pain. All spiritual people feel for others. Thar’s why you all are so effective in the world.I have a request for you: send Mubarak a love letter telling him that you feel his pain, and that you would respectfully suggest he not send out his thugs to beat people up. I’m sure he’ll respond to your good compasionnate vibrations.
Mike, your sarcasm does you no service. While I am sure that there are sound arguments to be made against “feeling the pain” of those who commit despicable acts, mere sarcasm is not one of them, and you offer nothing else.
In your sarcasm you have cited the example of people who do despicable things, of mass murderers and tyrants, as if their mere existence somehow invalidates a sympathetic acknowledgement of the pain of those with whom we most disagree, whose behavior we find the most reprehensible.
I have worked with drug addicts and child molesters, so I have some experience in this area: I can acknowledge the pain that drives someone who does completely unacceptable things, I can even sympathize — without condoning the unacceptable behavior, and so can most of the “spiritual people” I know.
Equating being a spiritual person with being an ethical doormat is a false equivalence. While this simplistic equation may be true when applied to those whose spirituality is equally simplistic, it is certainly not the case for those whose spirituality is informed by any degree of sophistication.
I feel connected with every comment here, and more and more, the frustration of most of us who ‘watch the world go round’ and so passionately want to find ways to help turn the tide for the better.
I’m extremely grateful for this forum for meeting minds and hearts, and I hope we can bring empathy and compassion for one another here, as a ‘starter’ for the deep human connection we all need in order to face and deal with our world, personally as well as socially and politically.
This basic heart-connection has been so long lost in most corners of our communications that I see this dialogue as one more struggle to reconnect, find support, or at least respect, for our discomfort, frustration, misunderstandings, and, yes, ‘pain’.
ROBIN: You say my sarcasm does me no service. What the fuck do you know what is of service to me? Let’s assume this argument about all these poor exploiters, reactionaries, dictators , racists and torturers being full of of Pain (and they may be): if you can’t get to their Pain therapeutically then they will act out and destroy sometimes. What do you do then? Pray? Ask then respectfully to be nicer? Or do you reluctantly stop them by the use of force? WhaT WOULD HAVE HAPPENNED IF SOME RACISTS HAD STORMED A cHURCH kING AND HIS FOLLOWERS WERE TRAPPED IN ONCE? iT WAS ONLY BY THE IMPLICIT THERAT OF FORCE ORDERED BY rOBERT kENNEDY THAT SAVED THEM from being slaughtered by slimy evil racists. tHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN rfk AND kING. bOBBY kENNEDY WAS A DECENT MAN, BUT NO PACIFIST.
Robin: Notice that in your work with broken people that they seem sometimes so messed up that your heart goes out to them….and then the dark Side comes out: the violence… the stealing..the lying…the rage.. the spite…how do you deal with that?! I could not.
Shira: I have no desire to connect with anyone here. Most spiritual pacifist people are phonies and doormats, willing to submit with a smile and thanks on their faces to any two-bit reactioanary.Deluded masochists
Oops sorry ,the BOLD_LETTER caps went on inadvertently in my first paragraph. I did not want to start over. The heavy lettering is not an indication of adiitional emphasis
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