Comments on: Considering Race and the Census on the Cusp of Fatherhood

By: Mark Roseman

Mark Roseman — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 15:00:27 +0000

I just read Matthew Goodman’s article and found that to be truly fascinating, honest and still, yearning for more clarity. I think that life’s changes involve acknowledgements for our voluntary choices, acceptance of consequences and conscious efforts to recognize that which is confusing, problematic and challenging. When we consider that race remains an issue in this country, then we can further policy efforts for inclusion and practical goal setting for improving social outcomes.

To date, we remain at a crossroads. The country’s historic Protestant ethic for self reliance is in contrast with those seeking self fulfillment through social acceptance. Perhaps there needs to be a more meaningful effort to integrate these philosophies so that all individuals, regardless of race, creed, color, socio-economic and educational level, may all aspire to achieve those personal and professional goals and thus, earn respect and admiration for those accomplishments.

I am editor of Contemporary Family magazine and welcome your thoughts at http://www.contemporaryfamily.org .

Matthew, Kol ha kovod, all the power to you and your family!

Mark Roseman, Ph.D.

By: NGM

NGM — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 01:31:47 +0000

this was the most interesting article i have read. Matt you brought up a very good subject for me and my wife to talk about, i am Ethiopian and my wife is African American and we were thinking how we would bring up our children when we decide to start a family. even though we are both black, people look at us different. I have come to realize there is racism with in the same color.it should not matter what i am or what she is, what should matter is how much i love this women and admire her courage to stand up to ignorance. i hope when i have children the America i have grown to love and criticize will change for the better. we are becoming a melting pot. thanks for the thought, and i am shore you will be a good father.

By: KGB

KGB — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 16:30:42 +0000

As the biracial son of a Jewish mother and African father I have danced with identity issues all my life, and admittedly it has not always been on beat. I have had my share of uncomfortable moments, points where I felt not Black enough, not Jewish enough or simply isolated from the various peer groups around me. I don’t remember at exactly what age these feelings emerged, but certainly by elementary school the grappling had begun. My adolescence however, is where this wrestling match with identity began in earnest, much as it did, I’m sure for all teens. The confusion spawned from feelings of inadequacy and the underlying sense that I did not fit in took many forms, but most salient for me, oddly enough, was how it manifested in my hair styles. I think that in the 9th grade I probably had about 6 or 7 different doos, ranging from an attempt at an “s” curl to corn rows, to an afro to semi permed hair and finally, a fade (with a few hair styles I don’t even know how to name in between). I bring up this little anecdote for more than just comic relief. Reflecting back on this diverse outer reflection of my inner identity search actually led me to a pretty comfortable resting place in terms of expressing, both to myself and others, who I am. Through years of having to answer that perennial question “what are you?” I have come to firmly believe that identity is not always so rooted. By this point it may be cliché to say identity is fluid, but really coming to terms with this has helped me out a lot. I now more or less comfortably navigate social scenarios by answering with what feels right at the time. There are times when I identify as an African, as Black, as Biracial and/or as Jewish. This may sound inauthentic or at least inconsistent, but it is the strategy I use to buffer the imposing nature of the social constructions we use to define ourselves and each other. But really I bring this up to say to you Matt, that one of the benefits of realizing a fluid identity is that it becomes elastic, and in this way I have never lost the feeling of sameness that you clearly are concerned about, with either of my parents. Of course, inseparable from that bond has been both my parents’, but particularly my White Jewish mother’s, consistent ability to communicate with me about the cultural legacies of the various ethnicities that comprise who I am and where I come from. If you can achieve this type of honest and open relationship with your child, and I have no doubt that you will, no census or category that it forces on you, can ever come between you and your child.

By: Pilar Enright

Pilar Enright — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 16:07:37 +0000

My husband is white, of Jewish ancestry, I am Latina of African and native S. American ancestry, and we have two adult children. We were married in 1967.

I wish to compliment Mr. Goodman on thinking hard and asking the right questions about how the “race” situation will affect the child he and his wife are expecting and their life in Brooklyn – or wherever life may take them in these United States. I would urge him to fill the Census form by checking all boxes that apply and/or add any that are missing – a choice the Census actually validates. You and your family are all those categories, Mr. Goodman. You need not worry about “abandoning” you box. You have “become” a person of color by default. Being a good father to your child will mean “adopting” his or her worldview from now on.

By: Jenny Lipow

Jenny Lipow — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 07:27:03 +0000

I’m the white-skin-privileged Ashkenazi mother of a child, almost 11, whose father is African-American. She has been raised to be a proud descendant of slaves on both sides of her family.:-)

Here in the Bay Area, we’ve found the resources for multiracial Jewish families provided by Be’chol Lashon (“In Every Tongue”) to be invaluable. Lacey Schwartz (who herself has an amazing story as a biracial Jewish daughter, the subject of a film work-in-progress) is the New York director.

Check out http://www.bechollashon.org

By: Adele C.

Adele C. — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 21:48:26 +0000

It struck me as odd that the Census people continue to refuse to include the term Bi-Racial even though that clearly applies to no less than the President of the United States. I noticed all through the campaign that the mainstream media rigidly adhered to the segregationists’ “one drop” rule and referred to him as Black.

By: Tikkun Intern -- Erin Shitama

Tikkun Intern -- Erin Shitama — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:58:22 +0000

Thanks for posting, Matthew. As I was reading, I found myself wondering if these were the kinds of thoughts my parents had just before they started having children. As you can see from my picture, I’m also a step towards the “samoafication” of the human race, so I thought I’d weigh in from that perspective.

This was the first census I’ve filled out on my own, and I was more than happy to check all the boxes that apply to me, though it was not always that way. When I was in elementary and middle school, I wanted to be just white, because everyone else was white. Then when I hit that age when everyone wants to be unique I started identifying as only Japanese, because no one else was Japanese. Now I’m pretty happy to be both, and couldn’t imagine it any other way. When I check both boxes, yes it’s going along with these rigid classifications that the government and sociologists and anthropologists want to throw us into, but it’s also telling them that these classifications are becoming less and less relevant.

Obviously, deciding which boxes to check is a very personal decision, but I think that by declaring yourself Jewish, your wife African American, and your child as both, you’re letting them know that out in the real world, those lines just don’t matter as much as they used to. Hopefully in the future, they’ll matter even less. Personally, I’m very proud to be proof that the lines are blurring.

By: Dave Belden

Dave Belden — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:24:10 +0000

Thank you for this heartfelt post.

The ideal and practical: the ideal is to have no racial boxes on the census, no distinction between father and son, but the practical is to acknowledge that this can only happen when there are no racial boxes in society at large, no need to count minorities and channel funds and influence to them by mechanical means, because we will all be sharing more generously with each other than a government would make us share.

It makes me think of someone of liberal-left mind who wrote to me that he shared the conservative dream that social needs would one day be taken care of by voluntary giving, rather than by government fiat and organization. I guess that’s an anarchist ideal too. I realized that I too could share this dream, because while rights and benefits are typically wrested from the powerful by a mix of force and moral argument, it’s a sweet thing when we all give to each other, not with condescension and noblesse oblige, but out of solidarity and deep understanding that we are one, and I am not free and fed until you are. But for now, it just doesn’t work, we just aren’t that collectively evolved yet. So we need social security, and medicare for all, or people die of their lack, as they are doing here and all around the world. And census boxes. Practical strategems for dealing with our own natures. Maybe one day we won’t need them…

By: Alisa

Alisa — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:07:11 +0000

Wow..thank you for opening up on this Matthew..the fathers of America’s “Black” children have long separated themselves from their offspring. I look at myself, my family, and many of my friends who, without thought, check the “African American” box, and I can’t help but think that we have in some ways become complicit in the lie perpetuated to absolve fathers of European descent from the responsibilities associated with nightly trips to the slave quarters. It’s surreal..this idea that someone can have a child and that only one set of the child’s genetic make up is acknowledged when mixed with Africa..I’m hoping that in the next 50 years, our society will look back at this time in our history with incredulity.. you and Nadia are part of that change…your well articulated screams to this society for the acknowledgement of yourself and your history in the veins of your baby will perhaps give other men and women the courage to demand the same..Viva la revolution!

By: Rex

Rex — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 21:23:47 +0000

Thank you for that sharing. As the father of a Caucasian daughter who has adopted an African American newborn, some of the issues you ponder are also things I think about. As my grandson is now only 1.5 years old, he is not yet aware of those issues. Yet I wonder if he will get so used to white faces from family and friends loving him, he might wonder about his own blackness someday soon.

Yes, we need more African American family friends. He does have such as teachers in his daycare school. And we live in a community with a sizeable African American presence. But I hope he will not have a problem accepting intimacy from African Americans so that he has no problem being accepting of himself.

Know any good children’s books for interracial families?