Back in 1996, I never really intended to speak out as a gay Christian; certainly not at a San Jose Presbytery meeting, the legislative gathering of Presbyterian churches in our area. But there was going to be a debate, the very first of many, about whether Gays and Lesbians could be ordained, an action that my own church, First Presbyterian Palo Alto, had already boldly done in electing me as first a Deacon and then an Elder. The Presbytery couldn’t find any openly gay folks to testify. So I was asked. Now I wasn’t particularly braver than anyone else. But I realized I had considerably less at risk especially compared to four secretly gay pastors in our Presbytery who would be risking their entire career in ministry, their home, their pension and more were they to speak. So I said “Yes”. This put me on a journey with some rougher times ahead. But my journey also gave me the gift of some of the strongest, closest, and wisest friends that I’m privileged to have even today.

The reason I share this is that in one of my hardest times, I wrote this interpretation of Psalm 73. I hope it has some usefulness and offers comfort in this and other areas of oppression today.

PSALM 73 interpreted by Derrick Kikuchi

Surely God is good to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people,
To those who are pure in heart.
but as for me, my feet came close to stumbling;
My steps had almost slipped.
For I was envious of the arrogance of those who strike against us.
For they feel no pain and they continue to prosper.
They suffer no ills and are never the target of bigotry.
Therefore they wear a necklace of pride;
And a garment of violence covers them.
The imaginations of their hearts run amok.
They mock and freely oppress.
They speak with self righteousness.
They set their mouths against God’s invitation to all
And their tongues parade through the earth.

Therefore, even as we gather together in peace,
And find a place to be spiritually nourished,
I still find myself asking “Does God know? How is this part of God’s plan?”
For look … those who hate us have increased in power and wealth.
Surely I have kept my heart pure in vain,
And restrained my anger for nothing,
For I am beaten every day and scorned every morning.

But even as I say “I should lash out against my oppressors”
I am troubled as I contemplate this.
Until I finally enter the sanctuary of God.
For there, I am able to perceive the truth.

Surely my oppressors are on slippery ground
And they set themselves up for their own destruction.
How quickly they can be brought down.
They are utterly swept away by their own perceived terrors.
Like a dream when one awakes, your truth reduces their power to nothing.
When I was of bitter and pierced heart,
I was unable to feel or think.
I struck out like an animal.
Even then, you were with me.
You have taken my hand and guided me in your wisdom.
You receive me in your love.

You define heaven and all that is good on earth.
I may physically weaken and become disheartened,
But God is my constant source of strength.
Behold, those far from God will perish
And those without faith will be destroyed.
For me, I need to concentrate on being close to God,
and making God my refuge.
And tell all about God’s good works.


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