New Loan Promises To Save USA, Global Capital
The globally secured financial giant, long run by mathematical geniuses from the top secret HPOOIIOICNUTOH ( high priests of international investing of intriguing complexity not understandable to ordinary humans) expect to raise this historic amount via the sale of still to be created world government backed and guaranteed bonds, drawn on faith, hope and a complete and total lack of charity, in keeping with the constraints of harsh reality and profit seeking . “Though there are neither bonds nor investors at the moment,” said firm spokesperson Bernardo Batista de Rothschild. “we know that the incredibly high interest rates we will offer - 30-35% - assure that very soon there will be many rushing to our doors, their brokers, our banks, their keyboards, or other text devices , with thumbs, checkbooks, credit cards, and promissory notes at the ready. ” The American stock market rose to its highest level in two hundred years at this news, while unemployment dropped from its previous high of 44% to its lowest point in months; 39%. “Things are finally looking up,” said president Palin, “and our long recession may finally be over. Again.”
The international banking firm of Soros, Tsuris and Soros has joined with Goldman, Ponzi and Sachs in announcing plans to finance a one hundred fifty trillion dollar ($150,000,000,000,000) loan to the USA, made possible through a complex arrangement involving OPEC, the Bulgarian Central Bank, Cosa Nostra , the Colombian Drug Cartel, Albania, the Vatican Zionist Minyan , and the Little Sisters of the Poor.
